a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
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