ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize