my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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