Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
