Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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