Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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