my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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