I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
