guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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