My friends, they love my intelligence
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
