everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
