hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
