You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
