Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
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