My sheets look like a crime scene.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
