First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
