you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
