I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize