nut hugger
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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