He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
