Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
