the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There r osticjed everywhere
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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