Do you still have your period?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
