For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
