I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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