Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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