And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
