I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
