A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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