I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
