New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
