If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
