did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
