My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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