I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
