The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
