I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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