Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
