It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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