I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
