the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
