i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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