Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
