I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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