Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
