We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
