call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
