we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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