After last night, I could never be a politician.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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