i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
