Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
