great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
