I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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