New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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