from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
