I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
