I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
