dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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