She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
