I can tuck mytits in my pants
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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