Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
