I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
