I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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