I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
