I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
