after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
