I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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