i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
