Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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