i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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