How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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