Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize