one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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