Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
