I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
