I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
