You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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