I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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