Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
