Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
